Ebb and Flow - unfinished July 2014

Tides of change
Waves crashing to shore
The hypnotic constant movement
of the sea
Blue and green and white
stretching as far as infinity

A soft summer breeze
caresses the water
pushing forward the tide
and washing away the past

The salty air
the ebb and flow
of musical waters
reminders of years gone by
and carefree summers of youth

Written by Angela Ostrander ©2014

Insomnia

Can't sleep
Can't write
Can't get out of my own head
What will it take to break down my walls?

Falling so fast, so hard - it's risky
Can I handle it?
How do I open up?
Why is it so hard?

Why is it so foreign to have someone
interested in what I want,
what I like,
what I feel?

How do I get past this fear?
The fear of rejection,
the fear of getting hurt,
the fear of being mocked?
Will I ever be able to?
What if I can't?

I need to say what's on my mind,
but my mind won't let me.
How do I break out of these walls?

The fear of rejection makes me struggle
to be true to my feelings.

I wish I knew what to say,
how to even say it.
Why is it so fucking hard?

Constantly questioning
if I'm good enough
is tiring.

Why is it so hard to believe
that someone could actually enjoy my company,
like me for me,
and even find me attractive?
Will I always be broken?

Written by Angela Ostrander ©2014

Missing

You gave me something I never had before
Caring, compassion, and acceptance
And just as quickly, it was gone.
I felt as though my heart was shattered,
broken into a thousand pieces.

Even now, I still can't help but think of you
Missing your touch, your kiss... you.
I wake up in the morning
hoping to see you next to me.
I open my door
hoping to see you standing there
smiling and happy.

I know its foolish
and only serves to hurt me more
but I miss you like crazy
I wish I could be what you want and need.

Written by Angela Ostrander ©2014