Insomnia

Can't sleep
Can't write
Can't get out of my own head
What will it take to break down my walls?

Falling so fast, so hard - it's risky
Can I handle it?
How do I open up?
Why is it so hard?

Why is it so foreign to have someone
interested in what I want,
what I like,
what I feel?

How do I get past this fear?
The fear of rejection,
the fear of getting hurt,
the fear of being mocked?
Will I ever be able to?
What if I can't?

I need to say what's on my mind,
but my mind won't let me.
How do I break out of these walls?

The fear of rejection makes me struggle
to be true to my feelings.

I wish I knew what to say,
how to even say it.
Why is it so fucking hard?

Constantly questioning
if I'm good enough
is tiring.

Why is it so hard to believe
that someone could actually enjoy my company,
like me for me,
and even find me attractive?
Will I always be broken?

Written by Angela Ostrander ©2014