Pain

Pain.
Cold, dark, life-taking,
And hurtful in my soul.
I want to end the pain
and anger that I hold
in the deepest part of me.
Pain.
It's what I feel when I'm with you.
Why can't you see your indifference
to how I feel
is what's tearing me apart?
You say you care,
but your actions show not
what is in your words.
Do you really think I don't see?
I feel the looks you give to me,
As though I'm not the masterpiece
That you've spent your whole life
searching for.
I'm sorry I cannot fulfill what you want.
Pain
is what is in my heart.
I knew before I began that I would only end up hurt,
I knew that you could not see the inner beauty of my soul.
You only look for that which is present
for the world to view.
But I pushed for what I could never have,
And you, the one that I adored, just stared at me
In utter disgust.
Pain
is what I want you to feel.
The same pain that I feel
inside my cold and lonely soul.
I want you to understand exactly how it feels
To be rejected and set aside like yesterday's trash.
Pain
is what you'll feel when I am through.
The pain I give won't be directly inflicted
On your sorry, pathetic body,
Yet you will feel it just the same
It will rip at your heart when you know what you caused.
When I end my pain and suffering
And when I will cease to exist in this
dark world,
That is when you will feel my
Pain.

Written by Angela Ostrander © 1998